Thursday, June 5, 2008

My book begins

This the beginning of my book:


It was silent.No argueing.No car engine rumbling.No singing along with the radio tuned into the local radio statio. No sound that usually went along with the usual carpool to work.
Silence...
And then a high pitched beeping that faded in and out of my subconscience, yet remained constant and steady, like a heartbeat.
I tried to recall how my memory skipped from a commute to work, to nothing. Like a gap I kept crossing a bridge over, finally I peeped over the edge and jumped!
When I opened my eyes, I realized they were closed. Go figure. I took a guess; I fell asleep and it was a dream. But I wasn't in my bed. I wasn't in my room. I wasn't in my right mind...Iwas in a hospital.
I figured this out when a stampede of nurses stormed in,with their needles. They proceeded not only to "gracefully" poke and prode me, but gouge, stab and insert various tubes and torture devices.
The only thing I could think about was the pain. By the time the last nurse filed in, I was on the verge of tears. I forced my eyes shut so no one could see my weakness. I managed to keep them closed even after I heard a door open and close after someone. That is until I thought someone I knew would be there when I opened them again. Reluctantly they slid open. I was gretted by a friendly face.Not familiar friendly. Which was a cheery transition from the intense, intentfaces slapped on the heads of the nurses.
"We've been waiting for you to finally wake up." Said the doctor casually,like an afterthought. He averted his gaze the chart at the foot of my be dhe'd been perusing and stung me with his intense lue eyes.

That's all for today!!!

5 comments:

Molly said...

wow, Anna. Wow. I really like it. I especially like the tone. Very matter of fact, in a very confusing situation. I would look at your use of the word "avert," because I'm not sure that's the word you wanted. And I'd try to throw in a little bit of info, because the narrator seems to know more than we think she does. Like maybe have the nurses tell her what's going on. I love it so far! You're so talented!

Birches said...

Very nice. Normally, I'm not a huge stickler for grammar and punctuation, but if I would make any suggestion, it would be to focus on those little things a bit more. It kind of breaks the reader's concentration when they have to try to figure out what you meant to type. In turn, that pulls them out of the story. A quick proof read goes a long ways.

I started a story on our blog too a while bag. It was fun at first, but I haven't taken it anywhere in a while. http://birchbunchco.blogspot.com/search/label/Aaron%27s%20Fun%20Journal

Aaron

Birches said...

I meant "a while back" not "a while bag." Sheesh, talk about proof-reading.

Aaron

Heidi said...

Anna, I keep checking back to see how you're book is coming. I like what you've started and can't wait to see how it ends. Aunt Heidi

Gardners said...

Ha ha, Aaron cracks me up - Hey Anna, this is really exciting to me! As an aspiring author as well, I know it can be a daunting task to actually show someone your work! I am totally intrigued to see where this ends up! Keep it up!